SEOh, No!

There are a lot of things we do for fun, like beach trips, wine-tastings, and competitive online two-rank Mancala (ping us backchannel if you play).  However, one of our new favorite things to do is to review our site’s analytics and laugh about the number of people we’ve disappointed.

Below are some of the search terms that led people to our site (and what we would say to them if we could respond).

“law and order svu backpack”
Finally somewhere to put our Benson and Stabler fan fiction!

“Sheer Dress” “No Underwear”
Did you mean to type this into RedTube?

“how to make a humorous statement about a statement necklace”
Glad we could help.

“Do guys like maxi skirts?”
No.

“doing what you’re not supposed to do”
You’ve come to the right place.

“Men’s” “Carrot” “Shorts”
“Why” “so” “many” “quotation” “marks” “?”

“Smell yourself thin”
Good luck crying yourself fat.

“Amish sex”
The Internet feels like the last place you would find this.

“sexy executioner”
Redundant.

“fellate”
Buy a lady dinner first!